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Account deleted and my online dating career over before it even started.Since then dating apps have evolved; Tinder caught fire, Bumble buzzed on the scene and Happn happened.

It was at this point that he let out a small shriek. Surprisingly unburdened by the arrogance you would expect from a “beautiful person”.

Unfortunately for Beefy, I was tired and while competing with other women is a fact of life, I don’t have the energy to tackle 22 men and a ball every time I go for cocktails so we called it a night before romance got the chance to spark.

I log on after an hour to check on my progress, 2 “Absolutely not”, 2 “No”, 3 “Beautiful” and 14 “Hmmm… I check my ranking 27 times, that’s once every 1 hour 12 minutes after accounting for sleep. The conversation is stunted and as the “Hi, how are yous” start trickling in I realise that no one is injecting much personality into this.

Two anxiety-filled days later and I am in, I hold a strong position between “Beautiful” and “Hmmm… Maybe good-looking people don’t need to be interesting.

But unfortunately I have awoken to requests for pictures, and I get the impression it isn’t my face he was interested in.